Solidifying your marriage by having children thrills many women. However, when you watch your biological clock fast ticking, and he’s doesn’t seem to be interested in having kids, then it becomes a real issue.
The issue may worsen if your childhood friends are already nursing their second born.
However, you don’t have to nag him constantly or cry about the problem. That won’t help. Instead, here are helpful approaches and ways you can employ to make him change his mind.
1. Set the Right Foundation
Before you even think of discussing raising kids with him, work on your relationship. No man would think of having children in an unsteady union.
So the first step is to do all that you can to build a rock-solid marriage and let your actions convince him that you have fully invested in the union.
Don’t be obsessed with having a bay. Instead, appreciate your man and let him feel cherished. Having a kid should be the icing on the cake.
But in case you already had a kid and long to add another child, make sure that you have the current family size under control.
If all you can do is to complain and paint the picture of being stressed all day long, then it may be hard to convince him to bring a baby into an already burdened marriage. Therefore, find something in your relationship every day that brings you joy and brightens your face.
That way, he’ll know that you are happy to have him and enjoy your marriage. And in such a setting, he can consider raising kids with you.
2. Dig Back Into Discussions You Had During Courtship
Look back into your courtship period. Find out any hints from the talk that you had then about his take on having kids. Per harps, he mentioned a series of tasks he would wish to accomplish before giving way to a baby.
If such a list existed, then revisit the discussion at a convenient time. Go over the list with your man, ticking what you have achieved, and hence allowing your husband to realize that the time is right to consider having your baby.
In case you can’t think of any previous conversations or any preset conditions, then break the subject and hold a discussion. However, the setting of the conversation must be right. Look for a time when he is in a cheerful mood.
3. Listen Keenly About His Fears
Probably your husband has a valid reason for pushing off having babies. And you wouldn’t know about it if you don’t let him open up. Chances are that he does desire kids except that your timing and his haven’t coincided.
The best approach then is to pick the right time, ask him why he is hesitant and then have an open communication over the subject.
Remember, one of the core requirements for sustaining a healthy relationship is having good communication skills. It then follows that even if you differ in opinion, respect each other’s view. Once your spouse opens up, don’t interrupt him to react.
Instead, be keen and take note of his fears. After he has aired his view, react but maintaining the polite language. However, keep off from calling him names, or being judgmental.
In case your emotions threaten to overcome you, inhale a couple of deep breaths or recess for a few minutes.
4. Open Your Heart About Wishes and Concerns
Having listened to his side of the story, you should also open up fully about your wishes and concerns. Remember, from conception to upbringing of kids, the input of both parents is necessary.
Coming clear about the issue not only gives him the chance to share your thoughts but also lets him realize that you identify with his fears and concern.
In the talk, highlight how the entrance of a child will impact the relationship, other children (if any). Your spouse needs the assurance that your obligation to him won’t change even when the family enlarges. Let him know that he is your number one priority- and not the baby.
5. Walk Him Over Your Financial Stability
Undeniably the coming of a baby brings many financial obligations. So unless you convince your better half that your family setup is capable of meeting such expenses without straining the family, he may not entertain your thoughts.
Therefore make an account of the family’s annual income, and expenditure. Then compare the two and have proof that your resources pulled together can accommodate the entrance of a new baby.
Think of possible questions he may ask you in advance and have ready answers. Get your figures and facts right.
And when you have done so, walk him over your financial status and stability. Let your sweetheart understand that you are all set up for meeting core expenses such as medical bills, clothing, food, new shelter, and any unplanned emergency.
You need to table solid proof that together you have the financial capacity to accommodate a newborn. Make plain also how that won’t affect your performance at your workplace.
6. Share in Fun With Other Kids and Infants
If you have other family friends with well-mannered kids, then they can help you win him over. That’s especially true if, from earlier discussions, you had realized that there is nothing other than unknown fear holding him back. If so, tactfully arrange for an opportunity so that you can be around and have fun with other young kids.
You can even have him hold the baby, watch them play around, and laugh wholeheartedly. Besides, if he gets along with kids, then applaud out those traits in him that can make him a good father. That may rekindle his desire to sire children.
For instance, if he is talented in a given sport, then join him in watching the live game and drop hints on how you would be happy to see him pass over the skill to your future kids.
Then later in the day, as you cuddle in bed, talk of how you can’t wait to see your future child begin school, join the university, and even marry.
7. Talk Over Previous Drawbacks and Failures
Revisit your past life. Dig out why he could be pushing back the idea of having a baby. Had you had a miscarriage in the past? If yes, then get a fine opportunity and talk over the incident cautiously.
Possibly he may be blaming himself for the unfortunate event. Point out any steps you have taken to correct the situation. Help him get over the ordeal. Remember coping up with miscarriages or the loss of a child isn’t that easy.
Some people open up, speak out their mind and get over it quickly (like women) while some men take significant time to forget such catastrophes. Thus, if he needs more time, understand, and exercise patience.
8. Consider Mentioning Your Biological Clock
Unlike men, women have a prime age when their fertility graph is at peak and the prime time for conceiving. If you have checked on other factors like financial stability and profession not coming in your way, then help him see that your best shot for giving birth may slowly be slipping by.
However strong the urge to have a child may be, there are certain tricks and methods you shouldn’t do in an attempt to push or convince your man.
Wrong Methods That are Sure to Backfire On You
a) Don’t Bring Up the Talk Now and Then
Bringing up the subject of having a child every day in your talk won’t help. Once you have held the discussion, give the man time to ponder it before revisiting the subject at later date. By all means, don’t resort to nagging and begging; it irritates.
b) Never Issue Out Conditions or Ultimatum
Men don’t like being pressurized or given an ultimatum. So the idea here is to convince and not trick or issue threats. Instead, try to understand his fears, and reasons for not buying your idea. You just don’t need him in conception only, but even in raising the newborn.
c) Willfully Forgetting About Your Birth Control Method
Using corrupt means such as deliberately failing to take your pills or punching holes on the diaphragm may see you conceive- but you may lose the man, his trust, or both. I’m sure that’s not what you want.
As the years swiftly pass by, for a woman, the urge to have a baby becomes a real concern. Your best shot then is to convince him.
Begin by laying the foundation right that is establishing a strong bond and building a reliable financial base.
After that, send the signals that you love him and wish to see the marriage last. Furthermore, follow through with the other additional ideas highlighted above.
Don’t shy off from talking about the subject. And whatever approaches you long to use, communicate your wishes openly but respectfully. Being patient and exercising effective communication skills is crucial.
*Photo by Daniel Rocha from Pexels